Friday, October 01, 2010
I didn't realize that yesterday's post was my first post in 2010 in this blog. So many things happened lately. My dad was sick end of last year till now ( but getting better,don't worry). Life's changing and whether we're ready or not,we should face it.
Anyway, I still in my fandom of k-pop, still love Seal Online, and pretty much doing same thing for almost past 4 years.
What I feel now is emptiness and loneliness. I don't know why only I realize it now, too late perhaps? I should feel it years ago. Perhaps I loved being alone, happy and don't care about that. But now, I want to step it on another way. As I said to my friend last nite, I wanted to get involved in relationship,but at the end,I'm the one who don't want to continue it, either gave 1001 reasons to reject or simply don't care, which I feel so guilty about that too. I feel guilty to Chris, I feel guilty to myself too. Ah, simply don't care also can't solve the problem.
So yeah, basically, now I feel I'm in the middle of road with hopeless to choose which one the way should I choose.
One of my friend said, at the end, perhaps what you can do is simply give up and let it as it is.
Something also bothers me lately too. I feel mood swing,less sleep(well,suddenly woke up in the middle of night which was rarely happen to me),woke up way early in the morning. Basically, I don't know what is this feeling. I've checked with my family and close friends and I'm sure they're not like this. I know that someone who has this habit but I don't know who is that, just feel it. Weird,huh.
Sometimes, I only want piece of free mind with serenity and relax, but life is not like that.
Have fun! Cheer up!!
